Trust

I reached out and trusted one, and later faced a gun

And because of that stupid mistake, my body and mind ache.

I am stuck wondering why, sometimes it makes me cry.

Who could have predicted this, all after my first kiss?

I am left all alone, while this case continues to postpone.

Now I feel deserted while some say or think I am perverted.

I have lost faith in most, because I think they see me as gross.

The error I made – occurred due to my mind being strayed.

I want to be able to connect, but I only can reflect.

All that I have achieved, I now only wonder how am I perceived?

When I look into to someone’s eyes,

I wonder – do I have to feign a disguise?

Do they know the truth about me?

Or can I live my life like I want it to be?

Jarone Ashkenazi

Rage

On his way to another appointment with my mom

Shouldn’t she know how to keep him calm?

The door swings furiously open, he has returned sooner than expected

And from the screams and cries I know he feels subjected.

Coming home fuming and not knowing how to cope

While no one fully understands his entire scope.

He storms into his room and sinks into his chair

Shouting and crying completely alone and in despair.

I go to see what is wrong and if I can console

But I know that these past years have taken its toll.

Enraged, fuming, and ready to explode

How am I going to be able to crack this code?

He begins to calm but then my mom enters the room,

I knew to well that he would ultimately fume.

A scream a crash the laptop is on the floor

Another battle lost in this ongoing war.

About to lose it again I am forced to restrain

None of this is hardly mundane.

Another day, another meltdown – and yet again he is alone.

Jarone Ashkenazi

Feel

I sit and lie awake, while my body intensely aches.

Picturing what happened over four years ago,

That shook me and damaged my soul.

I am continually up late at night, thinking about my fright

Of the future of the one, that my parents call their son.

He is my brother; I would never trade him for another.

He continually fights to overcome, while I am left breathless and numb.

My heart is empty, my mind often draws blanks;

And when I am consoled, all my mouth utters is thanks.

There are still tears, which fall upon deaf ears

Due to the pain and fear after all of these years.

It still is hard for me to connect and to feel warm;

Because for so long I have deviated from the norm.

I go out and search for something to make me feel whole,

But all I am looking for is someone eager to console.

When I am lucky to enjoy a moment of joy,

I quickly am reminded of that helpless boy.

Who has gone through so much, but still has that delicate touch.

His life has taken a toll, but still appears to be whole.

He is often frustrated, but his condition has extremely upgraded.

Even simple communication for him is tough, and I think my life is rough?

Jarone Ashkenazi

Friends

I sit at home and wonder why,

My friends don’t pick up their phones and say hi.

Days go by and I don’t even hear a peep,

Do they think that I am still asleep?

I have been through so much over these past years;

But no one bothers to ask about any of my fears.

Before it happened there were some I considered close,

Now only a few chip away at what has froze.

They have been unaffected by the arduous path of life,

While I have experienced many obstacles that have deepened my strife.

Sometimes I wonder if they even care,

That my beating heart continues to tear.

Going to games and bars and having fun,

How come I’ve been invited to none?

Why do I sit anxiously awaiting their calls?

My hope rises but undeniably falls.

My pain and sorrow grow exponentially,

But I guess I have held in reserve those feelings confidentially?

It is difficult to ask for help, but shouldn’t friends inquire?

Or is it only up to me to quench this fire?

Jarone Ashkenazi